Hi friends! I started this post in one headspace, and now I’ve landed in an adjacent, but slightly different one.
Can I vent for a minute?
It’s not the big things that do us in, right? Okay, yes—explosions happen sometimes. I have been guilty of that. But death by a thousand cuts? That still rings true, especially at work.
I’ve been told countless times I have extraordinary patience. Personally, I think I’m incredibly impatient—the difference is that impatience lives inward. Outwardly? I’m calm, accommodating, and quietly raging inside. But hey, I look patient, and apparently that counts for something.
The Little Cuts That Build Up
One of the most painful little things? When my work is co-opted, copied, or flat-out claimed by someone else. I was always the kid doing most of the group project in school, and that dynamic somehow followed me into adulthood.
Not somehow, really, I know how it followed me. And the way the world works.
What did change? The outcomes. In school, doing all the work at least guaranteed a passing grade. In the workplace, the loudest person usually gets the credit, promotions, and raises. And don’t think you can just speak up and say, “Hey, I actually did that.” People hate it—even when they know you’re right. As a woman? Multiply that discomfort by 100. It’s awkward, it’s seen as passive aggressive, and it makes you the problem—even when you’re not.
I’ve learned the hard way you really have to pick and choose what to interject with a actually, no, I did that. Even then, it’s usually followed up with a fawn response to still thank the others for their (sometimes lack of) work.
The Reliable One
The flip side? You become the fallback. The reliable one. The person who quietly handles more than their fair share. The one who’s “so capable” that more and more work—often outside your role—finds its way onto your desk.
I think this is what the “old soul” or “well-behaved” little girls grow up to be as adults. Not even discussing that sometimes this behavior is a trauma response right now.
The last two weeks were brutal for both reasons. I’ve been exhausted—not just from the work itself, but from the mental math of how to stay afloat, how to stay professional, and how to keep from screaming. It’s kept me from doing things I love—writing, cooking—and don’t even get me started on the dishes. Truly, my mortal enemy.
Growth or Just Exhaustion?
Here’s the thing: I didn’t spiral the way I used to. Yes, I vented. Yes, I raged internally. But mostly? I was just…tired. Too tired to keep caring at the same level. Too tired to believe this can really change. Is that growth? Maybe. But I think it’s more like resignation.
Still, I’m not so tired that I’ll let myself be blamed for someone else’s mistakes. That’s where I draw the line. If I’ve taken on the bulk of the work, don’t drag me down to keep yourself afloat. Mess up, own it, and move forward.
And I give others their flowers. I never want to be the person taking credit, even by accident or misunderstand on someone else’s part. If I know I didn’t do something that is being praised and attributed to me? The first thing out of my mouth oh, yeah, so and so did that and did a great job.
I kinda wish more people did that.
The Part That Hurts Most
What makes this even harder? I do it to myself. I’m a chronic people-pleaser, shaped by years of learning to avoid friction at all costs. It’s a survival skill that once kept me safe but now…it mostly keeps me stuck.
I get praised for being the go-to, for being reliable. And sure, it feels good—briefly. But words don’t pay bills. They don’t erase resentment. They don’t quiet the little voice that says, “You’re being left behind.”
And when I see peers moving quickly—getting promotions, landing top roles—it stings. I’m proud of them. Truly. But I also feel like I’m still at the starting line, wondering if I’ll ever find a career I can be proud of, let alone one that supports me the way I need.
You may wonder if I’m just miserable and take no actions. Sometimes!
However, I like to think I’ve been making small steps. One being this blog itself. I want to write as honestly as possible how I feel and move through the world. Maybe other people feel the same. That can be powerful.
As mentioned previously, I have been diligent about writing down everything I’ve been asked to do. I also note down things like “worked overtime 2 hours” or “last-minute facilitated this xx-hour long meeting.” I don’t note down failures on colleagues’ part. I do write down if I had to pick up slack from someone else and how much work that added on my shoulders.
Maybe it’ll go nowhere. Maybe I’ll gather the courage to ask for a pay raise.
I haven’t gotten the hang of boundaries yet. That could really help learning to say no and not feel crippling guilt and anxiety that oh no, this is how it starts, they’re gonna hate me and fire me because I said no to something way outside of my role.
I don’t have all the answers and I never will. But I’m learning that keeping track of my contributions matters, that small boundaries are better than none, and that sometimes just saying how hard it feels—out loud—is the first step toward change. Maybe you’re in this same place too. If so, I hope you know you’re not alone—and that your work, your worth, and your well-being matter more than your ability to quietly hold it all together. Still, try not to blow up work (or home)!
—Your Life Sucks Girly
Your Life Sucks 